A version of this article first appeared at Inc.com.
I bow to no-one in my embrace of new technology, and my first thought when I read about Google Glasses was, how have I been seeing things all these years without them?
Not only do I want my pair now (ahem, Google marketing mavens, guy with almost 6,000 twitter followers over here!), unlike many of the boring critics with their endless prattle about lost privacy, I also know precisely what I want to use them for.
Unfortunately, I haven’t yet found actual apps that will do what I want. So, if some of the script-kiddies circling around Google Glasses with billion-dollar signs in their eyes need any help, here are the top five Google Glasses apps I’d lay out my 99 cents for:
1. Meeting Eyes
Invaluable for those interminable weekly management meetings, with a simple double blink this handy little app simply projects a stored image of your own eyes, suitably animated, on the front of your Google Glasses, while simultaneously dimming the glass at the back of the lenses, thus allowing you to browse your Netflix queue, update your Facebook page, or even sleep – all the while looking engaged, animated, even chirpy.
No longer need you sit through mind-numbing presentations with a fixed rictus grin while your eyes bleed. Now you can give the presenter your full ‘attention’ while actually catching up on the important stuff – like that cat video your brother-in-law sent you.
2. Last Minute Recall
Ah, but what if, while deeply engrossed in last week’s episode of Mad Men, someone actually directs a question in your direction?
With ‘Last Minute Recall’, no problem! This devious little app runs constantly in the background, scouring ambient data for any mention of your name. When it detects a question or comment specifically directed to you, it alerts you with a gentle throb of your Google Glasses and instantly replays the question in your ear.
3. The Excuse-Ifier
And that’s not all! Purchase ‘Last Minute Recall’ today and we’ll instantly upgrade you to V2.0, which includes our patent pending ‘Excuse-Ifier’ add-in!
Now each time ‘Last Minute Recall’ alerts you to a question directed your way, it also flashes on your Google Glasses a context-relevant ‘Excuse-Ifier’.
What’s an ‘Excuse-Ifier’? Simple – instead of stammering out a weak (or worse, wrong!) answer to questions you don’t care about to begin with, the ‘Excuse-Ifier’ flashes a question for you to ask right back, designed to deflect the attention away from you and back to the presenter!
So the next time that smart-alec Tracy tries to skewer you with a fast one, instead of stalling, umming and ahh-ing, you can zing right back with ‘Tracy, I couldn’t help noticing the Y axis in your chart on page 9 is logarithmic, while on the same chart on page 17 it is boolean – can you explain the reason for that?‘ – all picked up and stored ready for use by the ‘Excuse-Ifier;’ while you were busy updating your groceries list.
4. Interview Question Killer
Microsoft hiring managers allegedly like to surprise job candidates with off-the-wall questions like ‘How many gas stations would you estimate there are in the U.S.?’. Google appears to be obsessed with people who can estimate how many cows there are in China. To get a job with Amazon, apparently you need to know what you would do with a hypothetical million bucks given to you by Jeff Bezos.
Scratch your head no longer! Or rather, scratch it to get the answer! With IQK, you only need alert Google Glasses that you need an answer to the last bizarre interview question (our default alert is to scratch your head just behind the left ear, but this is configurable to other options), and IQK will search it’s database of 25,000 dumb interview questions* and will flash the right answer on screen for you.**
* Database updated monthly.
** Interview Question Killer cannot guarantee the answer to any question will be correct, or that you will be asked any questions in the IQK database, or that you will receive a job offer as a result of getting the questions right. Job offers may depend on more than answering questions. Other people may be more qualified than you. your interviewer may be a moron. Are you sure you want to apply for this job in the first place?
5. WikiWin
WikiWin does one thing, and it does it well: Using your Google Glasses it constantly monitors all facts and data uttered by your work colleagues and checks that information against Wikipedia.
Once it identifies a discrepancy, WikiWin flashes a correction on your lens, together with the appropriate Wikipedia reference, thus allowing you to win any and all office discussions – forever.
WikiWin is free (and always will be), but power users can access WikiWin’s advanced options which, for a small fee, will provide the correct information in the form of a rejoinder in any of the following three modes: sarcastic; passive/aggressive or sneering (sneering is in beta).
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